 Towards the end of last summer, I was challenged by my neurosurgeon to dedicate 100 days to getting as strong as possible, physically & mentally. He hoped that during that time, I would be able to stay healthy, and I would go into the fall ready for what we already knew was an inevitable shunt surgery. So, along with a couple of my friends and my strength training team, I jumped into an incredible 100 day journey. I committed to posting once a day on my Instagram account— documenting, recognizing, and acknowledging the things I did every day to become stronger. It was really fun on some days, and really challenging on others.
Unfortunately, my brain didn't cooperate, and I had my 16th brain surgery on the 30th day. I took a few days off, then started up again— pressing myself to find the strength in the many tiny victories of recovery… and using my tears to fuel my drive for better days. I finished my 100 days of strength on Thanksgiving Day. On that day, I reflected on the path I had followed for those three months. The nights in the gym, and the talks with my friends. The brain surgery, and the recovery that followed. The quotes that pushed me to keep going, and the daily battle to stay in the arena. I had finished the challenge, and I was stronger. In that moment of reflection, I was so thankful that I have people in my life who care enough about me to push me relentlessly, and who are never afraid to walk with me through the valley of the shadow of death. We do it together, and we come out stronger. I’ve had an incredibly difficult year. I’m recovering again from surgery, and it’s been a difficult few weeks. But, today at lunch time, I was looking through the photos on my phone, and I stumbled upon the video montage of the 100 Instagram posts, that I had uploaded to YouTube. It made me feel a little emotional, because it was a reminder of something I have learned this year… That I may feel like I’m struggling right now, but I am in total control of myself, my thinking, and my actions. If I choose to be strong, I am strong. And I choose strength. Today, I’m going to start a new #100daysofstrength — and this time, it’s different. Last time, Dr. Yundt challenged me, and this time, I am challenging myself. I’m not able to work out for another week or so, but every day I will honor the journey to more mental, emotional, spiritual, and then… physical strength. Follow my #100daysofstrength on Instagram @stayinthearena Much love, Amy
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This week, I’ve been in the arena, battling my way towards recovery after my seventeenth trip to the operating room courtesy of hydrocephalus. I’m thankful, I’m happy, and I’m frankly relieved to be through the worse part of this process, yet again. The surgery was successful and smooth. All of the work that I put into preparing for it in the past few months has paid off, paving the way for what we hope is the best-case scenario in terms of recovery. I literally have flown through this surgery, and I’m looking forward to getting through the recovery as well. I am never in this arena alone. I have my medical doctors, my rehabilitation and strength team, my mental coach, and of course my friends and family to thank… for standing by my side in all of this, and being relentless in their pursuit of better, always. Thank you. I’m a lucky girl, to have so many amazing hearts, minds, and souls in my corner. Not to mention the unbelievable and surreal support I receive via social media and the blog. This morning, my massage therapist and I realized that on the day that I had surgery last week, I received text messages from three countries, and Instagram messages from seven countries. That just blows my mind. The internet is an amazing thing, but nothing has done more to shrink our globe than social platforms like Instagram, where complete strangers can connect over common ground. Thank you. Confession: I have a love-hate relationship with Pinterest. I love it for the vast catalog of mindless entertainment, information and inspiration that it provides. Sometimes I hate it, when my clients bring all sorts of very impractical-and-not-real-life remodeling ideas to meetings. I try to visit the site at least a few times a week - not only to gather information and ideas, but to stay one step ahead of my clients… so I know what kinds of impractical-and-not-real-life remodeling ideas are trending in my future. It’s often during those “research expeditions” that I find that my true inspiration comes from the quotes that people share. I quickly transition from searching home design images, to searching quotes from all sources. I pin quotes from Bible verses to the Dalai Lama, and from Hemingway to Cheryl Strayed. Some are sentiments that make me think, and some make me smile. There are a few that I save to my phone, so I can send them to my friends. Others become journal entries, or inspiration for future blog posts. Every time I have surgery, I try to come up with a theme for getting through the tough days right after the operation. It’s just something I do… sort of a mental strategy. This time, I decided that each day, I would jump on Pinterest, and pull a quote, and that would become the mantra for the day. So, in honor of surgery/recovery #17, here are my first seven days of battle, in quotes. Day #1 - (surgery day) I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me. (Unknown) Day #2 - (home!!) Because when you stop and look around, this life is pretty amazing. (Unknown) Day #3 - The moment that you change your perception, is the moment that you re-write the chemistry of your body. (Dr. Bruce Lipton) Day #4 - Toss your hair in a bun, drink some coffee, put on some gansta rap, and handle it. (Unknown) Day #5 - Chin up princess, or the crown slips. (Unknown) Day #6 - (first partial day back to work) Let’s start by taking a smallish nap or two. (Winnie the Pooh) Day #7 - In the end, only three things matter; how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you. (Buddha) peace, Am     Live and love between the madness. Focus on the days in between. Make the best life you can, then just go get it done. Stay in the arena. Keep fighting, you’ve got this. These are the words that are peppered throughout my writing on this blog, my Instagram account, and the conversations I have with people every day, as I go about my daily life. In general, I have always been pretty positive, and I’ve definitely always been driven. My parents will tell you stories about a kid with no lack of focus on goals, and a standard for myself that was always a little higher than reasonable. Over the past several months, I have truly focused on the mind/body connection, and specifically, discipline. This morning, I looked up the word “discipline” in the dictionary, and I found that many of the definitions refer to adhering to structure, instruction, and specifically the term “training”. I smiled… because today, I am headed for shunt revision surgery again. As soon as I find out that I’m going to have another operation on my brain, I reflect on the months that have lead up to this moment… the structure, the rehabilitation and training, the strength building, the mental work. The many nights in the gym and rehabilitation, where I’ve pushed my body to complete shut down. The trauma therapy, where my body tremors so violently, trying desperately to let go, and settle. In the past 18 months, it hasn’t been as easy to hide the physical and neurological damage that the past 4-5 years have caused, and I have been in so many situations of forced vulnerability. It has taken this focus on discipline, to keep me going forward every day. Being that raw, and letting the whole world see the hurt, has changed me as a person. And I am so, so thankful. Thankful for this journey, thankful for the challenge, and the opportunity to learn to be disciplined and stay in the arena. These are the times that God has shown me that I’m stronger than my ego, more dedicated than my flesh, and more loved than I could EVER fathom. These are the times in which I pay it forward… when I persevere through the pain and brokenness, and I am comforted by knowing that I have lived through the struggle, and fallen into the arms of the Lord, in complete surrender. I am thankful. Living with hydrocephalus, or any condition (or circumstance) that requires continued care and management, is often disheartening and exhausting. Even though I might have been genetically wired to "stay the course", I’m still human, and it still hurts… physically, emotionally, and mentally. But I’ve learned to allow myself a moment of grief, every time I get to this point. I cry, I mourn, I get angry. Then… I let go and move on. It can’t happen fast enough, and I go back into battle mode. Today, going into surgery, it’s all about staying focused, relaxed, and ready for the next chapter. Here we go. Number seventeen. Let’s do this. Thank you to my family, my friends, and my incredible team. Your love, dedication, and steadfastness have given me more peace than words can describe. Thank you for staying by my side, on this crazy path. Much Love. In relentless pursuit, Am   Sometime during the winter of 2010-11, I sat with my friend Mark Powers at a bar in Salem, discussing the wonder of human relationship. Mark was telling me about a concept taught by motivational speaker Jim Rohn, where he states that a person is the average of the five people they spend the most time with. Human nature is to morph into the lifestyle, choices, language, and values of the people we are closest to. Connection is often initially made by mirroring and mimicking the behavior of others, but as more time is spent together, those behaviors and beliefs become the mode of operation of the person seeking that connection. This conversation, seven years later, has stuck with me. I can look back on the phases of my adult life, and track the changes, growth and challenges - based on the people in my closest circle. I’ve often thought of this discussion, and all the friends I’ve been so blessed to have near to my heart. Mark is a super talented professional drummer who currently lives in Portland but performs all over the world, writes instructional drumming books, and teaches here in Salem a couple of days a week. He’s spoken and hosted at TedX events, and has a great heart for public service and humanity. He and I got together last week, for the first time in years. We spent several hours talking music, teaching, advocacy, and the relentless pursuit of life. As we talked about the many teachers and mentors who have shaped both of us as musicians, I told him that I’ve always remembered that conversation we had back in 2010, and I explained to him that I have another way to think of human relationship…. as dropped pins. The Apple website defines a “dropped pin” as a way to mark a location- to either get directions, or to find your way back to that place in the future. It’s a term that never existed in the days before smart phones ruled the world, but is common terminology among the tech-savvy today. As I told Mark the other night, I see certain people as “dropped pins” on the road of life. So many people come and go throughout your journey in this world - social circles and relationships are fluid and ever changing. But then there are special humans - ones that when you meet, you know you’ll never be the same, and in that moment, you drop a pin. The alliance you form changes the course of your life, and sends you on a different trajectory. And, if you drop a pin, you can always track back to those important connections, if you lose your way. The web made by tracing all the pins you drop becomes the net that catches you when you fall, providing the security we know as friendship and love. Perhaps you are one of my dropped pins. The friendship I share with you has the power to change my life’s path, and I pray that God may use me in some way to enrich your life as well. To be truly blessed by friendship, we must choose to reciprocate the comfort, received in trust and love. There is a song by an artist named Renn, called I Won’t Forget, that speaks of the lasting impact of powerful relationships. Here’s to us. May we never forget the four agreements, the five people who shape us, and the unwavering relentless love of our dropped pins. I won't forget, I won't forget Every word you said Every word you said Before you walk down that road Headed where, only God knows to I'll never forget you peace, Am {for freddy 5/29/17 .....mavericks forever. much love. xo}  |
AuthorMy name is Amy but friends and family call me Am. I am a lover of dogs, good whiskey, and strength training. I'm a brain surgery survivor (x31), a fiddle player, a construction designer, and a boxing enthusiast. I have six real siblings, and five fake brothers. I love deeply, and consider my close friends to be family. Archives
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