Several years ago, a therapist suggested that I write messages to myself on post-it notes, and put them on my mirror. These photos have become a thread in the tapestry of my online life, but I have never shared what the notes mean to me. In this blog series, I will share a handful of those moments - in hopes that it will provide encouragement to someone out there. 

​Peace & Much Love.
- Amy

Love hopes all things, endures all things. 
I believe in love.  
I believe that my most important mission in this life is to make true connections with other human beings. 
I believe that there are no chance meetings; and thus everyone who comes into my life path is meant to be there. 
I believe that each one of those people have the power to change my life. 
I believe that through love and compassion, I can learn something from every single person I meet. 
And I believe that the person I am today is a direct result of all of the incredible people who have been divinely placed in my life. 
 
Love is hope, and love is being willing to stay in the trenches with someone you care about – not running away from them in times of struggle, but facing the storm head on, and running towards their pain. 
 
In I Corinthians 13:4-7, the Bible gives a guideline for how to recognize true, everlasting love:
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
 
This is one of the most famous passages in the Bible – and it's a very popular addition to wedding ceremonies regardless of religious background.
As I have gone through so many difficult times in life, I have reminded myself of that last line (verse 7). 
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  
I believe that the only perfect, unchanging love is the love of God. I hang onto the fact that I’m not alone in any of this. When I can’t bear it, I can’t believe it, I can’t hope, and I can’t endure… the love of God can. And in those trenches of this painful life, when another person comes running at your pain, willing to share the burden, believe, hope, and endure.... hold them tight.
 
Love heals. 
Love endures all things. 

Stay in the arena, and love one another.
- Amy 
 
For MacKenzie. xo 

Several years ago, I went through a really rough patch with my hydrocephalus, where I had a total of 4 brain surgeries in less than 6 months. It was a pivotal point in my understanding of what living with hydrocephalus was going to be. Suddenly there was a new reality, that these surgeries could come in clusters… and that no matter how healthy I was otherwise, the bottom line was simply whether or not my brain would decide to accept and heal from the shunt surgeries that are required to keep me alive. 
 
It was during this time that I learned a valuable lesson. Even though I had zero control over how my brain was responding to the shunt, I found that I had complete control over my own reaction to these setbacks and repeated surgeries. Controlling my reaction really controlled my overall experience. Going forward from that point, I made a conscious decision to tell myself that this was just required maintenance. When the shunt needs to be repaired or replaced, I tell myself to “hit the reset button” and start over again. I’m not suggesting that I downplay the fact that this is brain surgery – believe me, it’s awful. But I do my best to keep it in perspective. 
 
I have often explained to my friends and supporters that if I treat brain surgery like it’s a giant catastrophe, my life will feel like one giant catastrophe. For the last several years, I have had brain surgery again and again – and for now, there is no guarantee that this frequency will let up. So, when something goes wrong with my shunt, I do everything in my power to take it in stride mentally. Controlling my emotional reaction makes it easier to navigate the physical challenges that are inevitable. 
 
This week I had my 22nd surgery related to hydrocephalus. This time it was a laparoscopic procedure to re-route my distal (abdominal) catheter, which was wrapped around my liver and rubbing on my diaphragm. As usual, it was a long and painful process to diagnose and work through this setback, and I’m relieved to once again be safely on the other side of surgery. It will take me a little while to get my energy and strength back to where I was pre-surgery, but I am ready to put in that work and move forward. Each day, I remind myself that the way I experience my own life is completely under my control. 
 
I am strong. 
I am healthy. 
I am capable. 
I am loved. 
And I am in relentless pursuit of everything that’s important. 
 
Hit the reset button. 
​Am

Stay focused, Am.
I’ve taken several tests to determine personality type, and all results have been the same.
I’m an Executive personality type on the Myer-Briggs, and an 8 on the Enneagram.
Driven.
Goal oriented.
Focused.
If there’s one thing I know about myself, it’s that when I was created, I was wired to chase knowledge and understanding. Once I have some understanding of the task at hand (even just a little bit), I use that information to move closer to my goals. When it comes to getting through the obstacles with my health, I tend to approach it the same way I would tackle a project at work or something in my personal life. I wrote this note to myself earlier this year, I was struggling with my hydrocephalus and the roller coaster of shunt failure was at full tilt.
Stay focused, Am. The pain and nausea that come with shunt malfunction are only roadblocks on the highway to solution. At the time, a plan was in place and we were moving slowly towards resolution – but it was a long and twisted ride. However, during those 5-6 months of struggle, I met several strength related goals, and was able to keep working right up until the surgery to replace my shunt valve in late May.
The decision and effort to stay focused helped me to clearly communicate with my doctors, remain calm, and go into surgery in the strongest mental and physical strength.

Stay strong. 
Stay beautiful. 
Stay in the arena. 

- Amy