2017: maybe it's not all about me
Dear Friends & Family, Supporters and fellow Hydro Warriors,
I’ve taken a step back from active blogging the past couple months, while I have been working hard on some exciting projects I have coming in 2018. Even though it’s been a quiet period for me, I’ve had it on my heart to write a year-end post. I’ve wrestled a little bit with how to address these past 12 months, and all the shifting and shaking that’s gone on - both publicly and privately. Honestly, this year has completely changed me. It’s pulled me from my comfort zones, and pushed me into vast deserts of vulnerability. I’ve had to rely greatly on my faith in God, and examine my priorities like never before. I’ve become closer to my siblings, and spent more time with my parents. I’m learning to trust a precious few souls who have been unafraid to stand in the trenches with me. In light of all these things, the way I experience life every day has changed, and I wanted to share a few closing thoughts for 2017 with you all.
By all accounts, the past year of my life has been a roller coaster of change and challenge. It’s been kind of like living directly on an active earthquake fault line… the once seemingly solid ground of my personal life, health, and relationships trembling and moving, buckling with uncertainty, again and again.
And with each aftershock, the landscape is left a little different.
Not necessarily worse… just different.
Here’s the thing. In a society where tragedy is glorified by the media, and insecurity is magnified by social media, it’s easy to get caught up in a pattern of self pity and hyper focus on the negative.
"Why do bad things happen to good people?"
“Everyone you see is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”
In my case, these were very real losses— painful hits, that just kept coming. Divorce, multiple brain surgeries and significant health challenges, the loss of my dog, changes in my medical team, etc. etc. So, it would be perfectly acceptable to take some time to wallow in my self pity, and reset.
But, what if it’s not all about me?
What if the events of every day are part of a greater plan… something I can’t grasp unless I focus more on others, and not on myself? What if the losses are actually opportunities, and what if the people who are in my life now are the ones I’m supposed to focus on right now? I know it’s hard to understand, but I am determined to make my best effort to live each day in a space that allows me to make unique and true connections with other people. And more importantly, I have accepted that I don’t need to understand it fully.
In my advocacy work for hydrocephalus, I’ve often explained to people that I wholeheartedly believe that I don’t have to question God, or be angry for the things that I’ve gone through. I simply don’t believe that God owes me an answer. I do, however, believe that if I am willing to take that pain and use it to help other people, it turns into purpose. This is why I have chosen to share my hydrocephalus story with the world, and especially why I continue to focus on connecting and supporting families of young hydro warriors. But, what if this same pain/purpose idea applies to all areas of life? Regardless of your belief system, when you consider the life events that have brought you to this point, what purpose have you found for your pain? Can you use those experiences to better the lives of others?
In closing, I want to acknowledge one more thing. When I found the ability to let go of me, my fears, and the focus on my own problems, I started to see this incredible beauty in the people around me. I can honestly say I have never felt more blessed and safe, even as the battle between my brain and body rages, and my life has been turned upside down by all societal standards.
It’s not all about me.
It’s not even all about you.
It’s about “we”…. sharing the weight of love, life, and struggle— together. Unified and fortified by the strength we offer each other.
Each day is a unique opportunity to move forward, be grateful for one another, and live with loyalty and compassion.
Our choice is in whether we stay… particularly when the road of life becomes difficult.
Definition of the word “stay”:
Happy New Year, friends. Be safe, and be well.
Here’s to the relentless pursuit of everything that’s important.
12/20/2017 10:19:22 pm
My year was filled with dramatic life changes to, but one of the best of them is finally meeting you, my childhood piano teacher, after all these years!
12/23/2017 08:13:49 am
thank you, Michael. I am super thankful that we reconnected, It's been a great year, really... a beautiful battlefield. Happy New Year!
Karen Reuter, Clancy, and Robert
12/21/2017 10:02:00 am
That was simply beautiful, Amy. What a good writer you are! More importantly though, is that you are such a good person. You're so open and honest about your life and how change has effected you. How you have placed your focus to the "we" part of your life..We can see your strength in your daily life and in your written words. Thank you for being you.
12/23/2017 03:06:40 pm
ahhhhhh thank you SO much. This means so much to me. I can't wait to see you this next week. Loves. Merry Christmas to all three of you. xo
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My name is Amy but friends and family call me Am. I am a lover of dogs, good whiskey, and strength training. I'm a brain surgery survivor (x31), a fiddle player, a construction designer, and a boxing enthusiast. I have six real siblings, and five fake brothers. I love deeply, and consider my close friends to be family.