The yellow post-it note on my mirror this week says "just because it's hard is not a valid excuse". We are six weeks into my latest recovery. Overall, the recovery from the back-to-back surgeries I had in December has been one of the easiest we've had to date. I was strong, I bounced back pretty quickly, and my wounds sealed up beautifully. But the past two weeks have been pure hell.
Why is that? Who knows.
...Because it's brain surgery?
...Because I had two brain surgeries in less than a week?
...Because I had a seizure in recovery and they put me on medication that makes me feel terrible?
...Because I'm just exhausted from pushing so hard?
...Because (contrary to popular belief) I am NOT Superwoman?
All of that.
It's really hard not to dwell on the fact that something might be wrong. It's almost impossible to be in this much continuous pain so soon after surgery, and not wonder if this revision is not going to hold for longer than a couple of months. But ultimately, I have no control over any of that. Sometimes all you can do is just get through the shit, one day at a time. Sometimes, one hour at a time. You just have to trust what you know, and stay the course. I've been working, and this week I was able to get to work every day. I've been putting in my rehabilitation time, and this week I made it to the gym twice. I'm resting when I need to rest, eating the best I can, and doing everything I can to right the ship.
And at the end of the day, that's all I can do. If I do everything I can, and my body still decides it doesn't want this shunt, I'll know I left nothing in the tank. Stay in the arena, my friends.
Sometimes the arena is where the magic happens.
1/29/2016 12:37:49 pm
May the grace of GOD help you during these trying times for you! My wife Rachelle (43yrs old) has Dandy Walker Syndrome and is scheduled to have her fourth brain surgery in a couple of weeks. She has had the ETV procedure without it relieving the pain, confusion, etc. She absolutely knows how you feel. GODSPEED to all dealing with these illnesses! You are very strong women!!!
1/29/2016 01:37:24 pm
thank you Matt. All my best to your wife.
1/29/2016 03:02:08 pm
Congrats to you, Amy, but I must still ask: is there no better way to treat our conditions than by primitive brain surgeries? Sincerely, Charles K. Miller
1/29/2016 05:36:48 pm
At this time, the only treatments for hydrocephalus are surgical. Thank you for following my story.
1/29/2016 05:46:23 pm
Inspiring...you're not superwoman but pretty darn close! Think of you everyday!
1/31/2016 08:39:22 am
love you Wanda! xx
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My name is Amy but friends and family call me Am. I am a lover of dogs, good whiskey, and strength training. I'm a brain surgery survivor (x31), a fiddle player, a construction designer, and a boxing enthusiast. I have six real siblings, and five fake brothers. I love deeply, and consider my close friends to be family.